Communication is a huge part of training dogs. To train a dog one must be able to communicate effectively and in a way the dog wants to engage with. This takes practice and dedication. There are many aspects of communication that people should be aware of and many of us probably use without realizing it. However, communication is not always simple. It is more of an art form. It is different for every person and every dog. But it is important that we are aware of how we communicate and know what we are getting ourselves into in order to understand how to communicate effectively.
Open Dialogue
Communication requires that both sides have an open dialogue. One cannot force the other to understand. Yet, both sides should work to communicate. Both sides should be willing to take “no” for an answer and to do so politely. Communication requires patience and care. It requires thoughtfulness and sacrifice. We might want our dog to know exactly what we go through for them, but that is not what they, or we, need. What we need is for them to be open with us, just like we are open with them. When this two-sided conversation ensues, we have accomplished something extraordinary! We have opened the doors for a relationship to blossom!
But what do we do once both sides are communicating? When we achieve the above-mentioned openness (a two-sided dialogue, as communication should be), we must be aware of what is actually happening. I have observed behavior that suggests that dogs will respond in kind to those who interact with them. In other words, when we open dialogue with our dogs, we need to understand that what we give them, they will give us in return. So often we feel the desire to impose our will on the dog without considering their side. We demand that the dog stop barking. We get angry when they eat food off the table. We express how “dumb” they are for the way they behave because we, the humans, know better. But do we really? Our dogs see us eating off the table. Our dogs see us “barking” at the neighbors. Our dogs see us making decisions on a daily basis that they might not understand. When we think about this, one might begin to wonder why dogs don’t eat off the table more often; they see us doing it all the time! So, once we open dialogue, we need to be aware of what our side of the conversation looks and sounds like to our dogs and act accordingly.
Give What You Wish to Receive
This open dialogue brings about reciprocation of action. One example I use is the myth of dominance. There are many reasons why the dominance theory is not a valid training method (science has shown that dogs and wolves are quite different, not to mention the fact that wolves don’t dominate each other nearly as much, or in the same way, as we once thought). However, one reason dominance theory is not a good training method is because of what I said a moment ago…what we give, dogs will give us in return. If we show our dog that dominance is a means to get what we want, they might very well learn to use it on us. Many dogs who are trained with dominance hit the end of their rope and “snap.” They wake up one day and wonder why they are taking all this stress and they decide to fight back. This is why when starting out with previously dominance trained dogs, so many positive reinforcement trainers hear “he was fine and then one day he just started growling at me” or “it worked with our other dogs, but this one just bit me out of the blue!” The dogs who do not hit the end of their rope simply go along with the plan, wondering if they will get yelled at or forced to the ground in a display of their owners’ “dominance.” But the dog who does hit the end of its rope decides that it will stand up for itself and it “acts out” and is usually labeled as “aggressive” and “dangerous” which might be true, but it might have very well learned that from the humans in its life. In short, we need to be aware of what we do when our dogs are watching. What are they learning from us? Are we giving them actions and “energy” that we would want to get back from them? Are we giving what we would like to receive?
The Art of Communication
With all of this in mind, you might be wondering how communication should work between you and your dog. Communication is an art. It is something that requires finesse and care. There will be days when you are the one who will have to give up what you want in order to care for your dog (standing by that tree for longer than you want so your dog can get mental stimulation from sniffing). At no point do you need to let your dog “get away with it.” You make the rules. Your dog does not own you or your house, and people come before animals. But the point is this, keep an open dialogue with your dog. Listen to them, teach them to listen to you, and understand that what you give, they will give back in return. Just like art, communication requires freedom to express, and that applies to both humans and dogs. Strong relationships are founded on effective communication. Effective communication starts with listening, leads to open dialogue, and ends with a decision made by the leader (the owner) and impacted by the follower (the dog; sometimes dogs have very helpful input and a good leader takes counsel from those who follow it). Effective communication takes practice. So, practice this with your dog. Practice it with the people in your life as well. We could all stand to communicate better. We could all stand to give what we would like to receive.
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