Last week I posted an article entitled “Dogs and Children Part 1: Getting Real About Dogs and Children” in which I discussed the danger surrounding dogs and children and some things that adults need to keep in mind when monitoring interaction between their children and their dog(s) (if you haven't read that article, check it out here). This week I am going to cover what expectations we need to have about our children and dogs to help keep everyone safe. Please keep in mind that all adults need to have at least a minimal understanding of dog body language when monitoring dogs and children.
How Children Should Treat Dogs and Vice Versa
Children should treat dogs in a way that the dog is comfortable with and that keeps the dog and child safe, and dogs should do the same with children. While there are many more, here are five things children need to learn to do around dogs.
1. Children need to learn to be calm around dogs.
2. Children need to learn to pet dogs instead of hitting them, sitting on them, or pulling on them.
3. Children who are old enough need to learn to see when the dog is stressed and wants to stop play.
4. Children need to learn to leave dogs alone when the dog does not want to interact.
5. Children need to learn to leave the dog’s toys alone, especially when they are chewing on them.
The Dog also has some things its needs to learn. Once again, while these are only some of the things a dog needs to learn, here are five things to teach your dog in reference to children.
1. Dogs need to learn be calm around children.
2. Dogs need to learn to sit or lay down when interacting with young children (especially infants).
3. Dogs need to learn to play calmly or with objects (such as fetch with a ball) rather than mouthy rough play when playing with children.
4. Dogs need to learn to be comfortable giving up objects (though children should not take things from a dog, there is always a chance this will happen so your dog needs to be prepared).
5. Dogs need to learn where they can go to escape children (I call this the “safe space”).
These are just a few of the things that children and dogs need to learn before interacting with each other. But these behaviors (and more) often start with expectations. If the child expects that sitting on the dog is allowed (and reinforcing) or that the dog likes to play that way, then the child will sit on the dog. If a child expects the dog to simply give up an object whenever the child wants, then the child will try to take things from the dog. The expectations a child has of the family dog (or any dog) can impact the way the child behaves around the dog. The same goes for dogs. If your dog expects a reward from the child (or an adult) when it chases or runs into the child, then it will chase or run into the child. If the dog expects to gain a fun toy by taking things from the child, then it will take things from the child. Expectations are important.
The expectations that children have of dogs are influenced by the adults they live with, which means that adults need to have realistic expectations of their dogs and of their children. Also, behaviors are taught by the care takers of both the children and dogs and, thus, those caretakers must also teach appropriate behaviors to both the children and the dogs.
Do’s and Don’ts of Expectations for Children and Dog Interactions
Incorrect expectations about children and dogs can put children in serious danger. To help, here are some Do’s and Don’ts of expectations you should and shouldn’t have for your child and your dog.
Do expect risk to exist. Always monitor your dog and child. Dogs and children will always be at risk because your child is not able to fully understand your dog, and your dog will always respond like an animal rather than a person. So always watch them and be ready to manage behavior in both the dog and the child.
Don’t expect your child to understand and respond to your dog appropriately. Your child does not have the ability to regulate its behavior in a way that is beneficial and safe around dogs (especially if the child and/or the dog is very young). Many children are also not capable of reading a dog’s body language even on the simplest of levels. I attended a dog training conference this year (ClickerExpo Live) and one of the speakers mentioned that very young children can actually mistake a dog growling as a dog smiling. That is a very dangerous mistake!
Do expect your dog to want its own space. Dogs, just like people, do not enjoy people (or other dogs for that matter) invading their personal pace. However, whether children learn to leave the dog alone or not, there is always a chance that they will not always do so. As result, your dog needs a safe place to go to when it has had enough. Give the dog a place to go (such as their crate) and teach your child to never interact with the dog while it is in that space unless assisted by an experienced adult. If the dog chooses to go to this space when a child instigated interaction, please do not force your dog to come back out and interact with the child. Your dog is telling you that it does not want to interact with the child. (note: a similar expectation can be made for your child. Do expect your child to want its own space and be ready to redirect the dog if it is invading your child's space. Teach your child to get help from an adult).
Don’t expect your dog to tolerate your child’s behavior. Relying on the dog’s ability to handle stress is very dangerous, especially when children are involved. Please keep in mind that just because your dog is sitting still, does not mean it wants to be there. If your dog moves away from your child take that as a cue that it wants space, and separate your dog and your child. Keep in mind that dogs often learn that if they try to move, the child will follow them. This is usually why the dog simply stays put. This is called “learned helplessness” and is very uncomfortable for the dog and can lead to what can appear as “sudden” outbursts of aggression. As a result, please pay attention to your dog’s stress signals such as leaning away, whale eye, lip licking, and ears pinned to the sides of its head, among others.
Do expect your dog to respond like a dog and your child to respond like a child. Your dog is not going to use human body language to tell you what it is thinking and feeling. It will use dog body language (if you have a dog, please study dog body language whether you have a child or not). Your understanding of your dog’s body language cues and how it expresses stress could be the one thing keeping your child from being bit by your dog or other dogs. If you see any signs of stress in your dog around your child, respond by calmly and joyfully separating the two. If the dog is usually comfortable with playing with the child, then giving them a task they can work on together such as a game of fetch can be a good way to allow them to interact but keep them both comfortable and happy. (Tip: having two balls for your child to throw can help prevent your child from forcefully taking the ball from the dog when it will not drop it on cue. Please do not let your child take things from any dog especially if the dog is not willingly giving the object up on cue. Please teach the child to get help from an experienced adult.) If your dog is displaying a desire to escape from the child, then the two simply need to be separated and each given something to do, and the child needs to know to leave the dog alone until further notice.
In reference to the child, children are not as rational as adults and have a harder time regulating their behavior and emotions. As a result, please do not rely on your child’s ability to maintain self-control. Eventually every child will do something the dog does not like and if an adult is not there to prevent that, the interaction could lead to dangerous situations. Please always monitor interaction between your child and any dog!
Don’t expect your dog to share its toys. Just like people, dog’s do not like to have things taken away from them, especially without warning. Children will often walk up to dogs and take what the dog has without asking the dog to give it up and without giving the dog something else in return. Allowing a child to take a dog’s possession is a very dangerous thing to allow! Never allow children to take a possession from a dog. If the dog takes something of theirs, the child needs to learn to come get help from an experienced adult.
Do expect to spend time catering to both your dog’s and child’s needs. Many things your child will do to your dog are things that your dog will not be okay with. So, you need to expect to spend time redirecting your child and dog rather than just ignoring your dog’s pleas for help.
Closing Thoughts
Expectations have a huge impact on behavior. As a result, it is important to have realistic expectations of both your dog and your child. The expectations listed above are not the only ones you should keep in mind, but they are a good place to start. When working on building helpful expectations, practice being realistic (Is this something I can realistically expect from by dog or my child based on their abilities and skills?) and honest with yourself (allow yourself to see when your dog is uncomfortable instead of pushing that aside because it is inconvenient). Stay tuned for next week’s post where I will get into what things your dog does not like about your child’s behavior and what behaviors you can teach your child (and dog) to help keep everyone safe and enjoy time together.
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