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Writer's pictureDallas Kelley, KPA CTP

Talking To Dogs: Chosing Our Words Wisely


Almost everyone I know talks to their dog, and that is a good thing! We tend to mention our own thoughts to them, not expecting an answer, but we also speak directly to them with cues or with helpful explanations as to what is happening around them. But have we ever stopped to think about how our words are really impacting our dog's understanding of their environment? In today's post, I will cover two phrases we often use with dogs and how they might be impacting our dogs.


Word Association

Before we get to the two phrases I will cover today, let's talk a little bit about how dogs learn what words mean. Dogs, just like young children, learn words through word association. For example, you can teach your dog that "sit" means to put its bottom on the ground while keeping its shoulders at a normal height. To do this, you might lure your dog into the sit position and say "sit" at the same time to build an association in your dog's mind with the word "sit" and the action of putting their bottom on the ground. Of course, you follow that with a treat, so they know they did it right.


However, did you know that you can also teach dog's that the word "lily" means the same thing as "sit"? This is because your dog is relying on you and their immediate environment, not necessarily society or the country they live in, to define the words they hear. This means there are three main things that dogs seem to use to determine the definition of a word.

  1. The context the word is presented within.

  2. The behavior/emotional state of the person who gives it (emotional state impacts human behavior and dogs can pick up on that very easily).

  3. The dog's own emotional response to their current environment (which includes their emotional response to the human presenting the word).

With these three things in mind, let's take a look at two phrases we need to be really careful with when using around our dogs.


Bad Dog

The first phrase I want to discuss is one I would actually advise that we completely eliminate from our conversations with all dogs. This phrase is "bad dog". This phrase means nothing to the dog in reference to action and morals (it does not tell them what to do, and dogs don't seem to operate on "good" and "bad" but rather "safe" and "unsafe"). But many people are just not aware of why we shouldn't use this phrase with dogs.


In my experience, to dogs, the only thing the phrase "bad dog" communicates to the dog is that the human is not happy. This might be an accurate assessment on the dog's part, most people dislike having their things destroyed or mud tracked into the house, but the problem is that the dog does not know what it can do to alleviate the person's unpleasant behavior (their tone of voice and posture). Because the phrase "bad dog" does not tell the dog anything about what it is supposed to do, the dog builds an association with the phrase and the human's unpleasant posture and voice (and maybe scent), but not an action that they (the dog) should do. This means the dog is stuck in a very uncomfortable place with no clear way out, so the dog is left to simply try to "appease" the owner without really knowing what is going on. This isn't to say that a dog can't learn what it should do instead of destroying household items, but it does mean that when the only information the dog is given is that they are a "bad dog" the dog only has enough information to know that the human is displeased and not enough information to know what to do about it. As best we can tell with current science, dogs do not operate on a moral ground; their behavior is not dictated by "good" and "bad" but rather "safe" and "unsafe" and "need" and "don't need". In this case, "bad dog" means the dog is "unsafe" because something has clearly disturbed their human friend.


Instead of using the term "bad dog" when your dog does something you don't like, simply note that you need to work on teaching your dog to choose to do something other than the behavior you didn't like (e.g., chew on their bone rather than your couch) and then work on it with them during regular training sessions. It is also important to know that dogs who "act out" have a good reason for doing so and many deal with fear and anxiety which needs to be addressed and can take time to fix. In addition to this, if your dog is struggling with anxiety, using terms like "bad dog" can do more harm than good. It is better to find times when you can use the term "good dog" with a joyful tone of voice.


Note: If your dog deals with separation anxiety, please contact a positive reinforcement trainer who specializes in separation anxiety.


You're Okay

The next phrase I want to discuss is one that we need to be more careful with but could be a very useful phrase if some deliberate conditioning is done. The phrase is, "You're okay". Using the phrase as we tend to use it can be a problem, not because of what the dog might not know, but because of what the dog does know. Think of it this way; when do you tell your dog "You're okay"? I am going to make a guess that it usually happens when your dog is not okay. For example, in the vet's office, or when you are trimming their nails. The phrase "You're okay" is usually used in a context where the dog is stressed out and scared. By using the phrase in these stressful situations, we are actually building an association between being scared and those words. As a result, telling dogs, "You're okay" when they are stressed and scared ends up meaning "scary things are happening and there is nothing you can do to stop it". Not very reassuring.


However, this phrase, with some careful training, can become a useful one! Instead of introducing and using the phrase "You're okay" when our dogs are scared, we can deliberately associate that phrase with endurance. This can also help build resilience in dogs who may face stressful situations regularly, such as dogs who must go through multiple vet visits for long term medical treatment. It can also help with dogs who are learning to be comfortable around stressful new objects, like when we are socializing puppies.


If you would like to learn about some ideas for how to help your dog build positive associations with the phrase "you're okay" let me know in the comments and I will write a Training Lab post on that topic!


Closing Thoughts

We must always use words wisely, with both people and animals. The information covered in this article is a great place to start when it comes to making sure the words we say to our dogs help them, rather than hinder them.


If you liked this post, please let me know in the comments! I hope you and your dogs have a wonderful day!



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