As I have mentioned in past posts, our behavior has an impact on our dogs. Dogs will often match, and sometimes exceed, our own energy levels. While this is not always the reason dogs display high energy behavior, it can contribute to the issue. As a result, calming our own behavior can have a huge impact on our dogs' energy levels. Sometimes this takes practice, and other times calming ourselves down in the moment can help the dog calm down as well. So, let's dive into some ways that we can use our own behavior to help calm our dogs.
Calming Our Behavior
One of the most common questions asked by puppy owners is how to get the puppy to stop biting. One of the first things I tell my clients is to slow down and calm down their own behavior. When we get frustrated, our body language gets tense, frequently causing more clipped movements and firm grabbing. We also often do things faster (e.g., snatching things and pushing) and our tone of voice changes to express our displeasure. These expressions in our body language and tone of voice frequently add to the problem. The reason is because the puppy picks up on that tension and tone of voice often responds with more tension or tries to diffuse the tension by licking faces and attempting more play. This often causes us to pull away really fast, make jerking movements and even quick delivery of reinforcement in moments of success. All of this adds to the “excitement” if you will, of the moment. But if we slow down and calm down, we can encourage our dogs and puppies to do the same. Put out what you wish to get in return.
So, what can we do exactly? Well, below are a couple ways you can alter your body language and tone of voice to help your dog calm down.
1. When you are able move at a calm speed (if your dog has something dangerous or breakable, etc., reacting fast could save lives, so keep in mind that this information does not necessarily apply to safety and emergency situations). Notice I said “calm” speed and not “slow” speed. This is because moving slow, in the dog world, can be a sign of tension, or even play. Calm speed is something we do in our muscles. It comes from within us. I know that sounds odd but think about it. When we are truly calm, we are more likely to be relaxed. Our muscles are more relaxed, and we move differently. Our dogs pick up on this and sometimes it can help calm them down. The trick is to do it for a long time. This isn’t something that will work after two seconds, sometimes it takes a minute or two. Other times this is a dynamic you have to teach your dog to respond to.
2. Do not get your dog excited. Sometimes we just get our dogs all excited by talking to them in an excited tone and using excited body language. While this might be fun and cute in the moment, it can teach dogs to get worked up before something new happens or when people arrive.
3. High pitched voices create excitement, lower pitched voices create hesitation, fear, and uncertainty. Right in-between is a good middle ground, talking. Dogs do get excited when we use high pitched tones, but if we want them calm, a normal talking voice can help communicate that we don’t want them to get riled up at the moment.
4. If our dogs are “misbehaving” using a higher pitched voice to increase their interest in your cues can help. After they obey, you can begin to calm them down by changing both your body language and your tone to a calmer form.
5. Sometimes no speaking is helpful. I will talk more about this in the next section, but sometimes giving a cue and then holding your ground can be a good way to get your dog to focus and calm down. This often is related to how they perceive your body language. So it is important that we use neutral body language. Read on to learn more.
Upholding Boundaries
Something else that can help dogs calm down is to hold boundaries in place for your dog. By holding boundaries in place for your dog I mean that you do not change your mind or your behavior until the dog responds. Keep in mind that this is not about winning or losing. This is not holding your ground like you would in an argument. This is about creating a consistent boundary. Consistency creates an environment where your dog knows what it is going to get from you. This often informs their choices because they know what they can ask for, and what is nonnegotiable. When you establish a boundary, your dog needs to know that boundaries are nonnegotiable. In other words, when you give your dog a boundary, your dog needs to know that boundary applies until you give them a release cue or a new boundary. However, sometimes you might have to wait, or hold the boundary, to ensure your dog follows through. You have to uphold the boundary. Below are some tips for upholding boundaries when your dog is worked up and excited:
1. Create a boundary. When your dog is getting worked up, first create a boundary. This means you can give your dog a cue, or literally place your dog within a boundary. I prefer to give the dog a cue that has been fully trained and has a history of reinforcement (I frequently use a nose to hand target). However, you can place your dog within a physical boundary like utilizing a block (standing in a place where your dog cannot get past you), or something like a crate or gate. The reason I prefer the cue is because blocking, crating, etc., in a moment of high energy can create frustration, leading to other undesirable behavior such as barking. However, rather than getting frustrated, your dog will more likely "want" to follow through on a cue with which it has a history of reinforcement.
2. When you give your dog the boundary, wait until it responds (if you are in a situation where you cannot wait, make sure you set it up so that you don’t have to. Use a highly reliable cue and or a behavior management tool such as a leash, toy, or treat to move your dog into a literal boundary, such as its crate). While you are waiting, pay attention to two things. One, your own body. Are you tense, are you braced for impact, so to speak? If you are at all tense, take a deep breath and set your mind on something positive and happy. Relax your body and approach this situation as though it is a joyous one. Second, pay attention to your dog’s body language. As you wait and the energy level in the room comes down, your dog’s body language will begin to change. In response to those small changes, find ways to reinforce more relaxed behavior as it shows up. For some dogs, something as simple as speaking to it kindly can reinforce these small moments of relaxation, encouraging your dog to continue to relax and calm down.
3. Following through. Once your dog begins to calm down, make sure you follow through by giving your dog a new cue, rather than waiting for it to break the boundary again (remember, uphold the boundary). Call your dog to you or ask it to follow you to the place you want it to wait while you greet people, work, cook, or whatever it is that you want to do. Then, make sure you give your dog something to do that will maintain that calm behavior. Make sure, during this time, that you maintain that calm, relaxed, body language in your own behavior and continue to reinforce your dog for remaining calm and for responding to cues.
Closing Thoughts
Not all dogs will calm down or relax due to the same environmental triggers or processes, but these tips hold a basic concept that will help you in the long run and can help you in the short run as well. Respond to your dog rather than reacting. Maintain a calm demeaner and train yourself to respond calmly to your dog in as many situations as you can. By doing this you can create a reliable communication strategy with your dog. When you are calm, it is calm; when you are excited, it is excited. So, during the holiday season, stay calm, and reinforce your dog for doing the same!
Have a wonderful holiday season!
Until next year!
Photo Credit: Unsplash - Mark Zamora
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